Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
