If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
