Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Randomize
