I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
