Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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