Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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