ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
