If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
