Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
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