i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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