you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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