i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
