I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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