you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
