Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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