I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
