My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
