Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize