I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
