none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
