It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize