well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
