Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
