i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize