Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
what day is it and did you see me today?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
