i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
