so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
