I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It's blow job season.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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