I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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