Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
