There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Let's get the cat blown out
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
