im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
