What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
ugly people sure do ruin things
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize