i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
