I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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