There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
