3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
