they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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