Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
