You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Can I color on your dick again?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
