Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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