I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
