Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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