sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
