my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
