just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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