Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
