I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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