I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
