I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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