Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Randomize
