All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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