um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
