Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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