ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize