I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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