This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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