Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i dont even know how to be here
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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