Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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