and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
