My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It's official drugs can't kill me
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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