I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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