you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
