is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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