I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
We need to rekindle our bromance
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
