I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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