Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
