If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
