I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
